A favorite movie of so many at Christmas is Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I think we can all see something of ourselves inside George Bailey’s character. Like George, we spend most of our life just taking care of business. We don’t see the need to stand out in a crowd; we want to live a life of peace while we work toward building family and friendships. We pursue dreams of accomplishing things, big and small. But in the grand scheme of things, our biggest challenges seem to center around communication and relationships.
Something deep within our unconscious consciousness drives most of us to build our lives around communities and social events without truly understanding what drives us internally. We seem to know deep down inside that we were born to be in a relationship. We are also aware that the relationships we were born into and the ones we develop throughout our lives definitely impact our thinking. Whether family, friend, partner, or faith, the links we build with our fellow human beings shape our way of thinking, dreaming, and believing in ourselves, even believing in things greater than ourselves.
Relationship selections are usually driven by the manner of communication we encounter on our life-long social quest. Some begin with family relationships alone. Based on family dynamics, many of us know that doesn’t always make things comfortable. As we grow, we choose to keep some relationships at a surface level while we work to take others to a much deeper connection. At their core, relationships are built upon the type of communication or messaging we encounter.
Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines communication as:
“… a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior; information communicated; information transmitted or conveyed; a verbal or written message.”
That is an inclusive definition, leaving little room for doubt that communication can be non-verbal and verbal. We know comments can be constructive or destructive and, depending on which, can drastically affect a person’s quality of life. It is not a far leap to conclude that respectable communication is necessary for healthy relationships.
More importantly, can we take it further and agree that our individual interpretation of said communication can build or destroy a connection? Leaving us to our own devices without a guide map to healthy relationships seems to be a cruel joke. Who has the answers? Who do you believe? Who do you follow? How do we keep from starting relationships from the wrong place and for the right reason?
We were created in God’s image, which means we have all the building blocks of relationship available to us and in us. That single fact is the missing link many of us search for in all the wrong places, with all the wrong people, for all the wrong reasons. We have spent too much of our lives hearing about a God who is either disinterested in what goes on in our lives or He is the great Judge and Executioner wringing His hands with the anticipation of our ultimate punishment.
The written word fills the Bible with history, stories, wisdom, and hope for the kind of communication and relationship we were created to experience. But even that understanding doesn’t encourage us to jump into the Bible with both feet to seek its wisdom. How many relationships have met their bitter end in our lives because we neglected to seek God for the answers we ask of fellow humans?
We have too long offered up the search for answers to others and to self-help editorials written by people who have been troubled by life’s trials as much as we have been. Why is it that we search the shelves of the bookstores or the internet for the person we think has the “A, B, Cs” of how we are supposed to be overcomers in life while ignoring THE very architect offering us the relationship that will demonstrate how all other relationships should be lived? How we relate to others affects our human relations and our connection with our Creator. Could it be as simple as what Jesus shared in John 13:34-35?
Jesus didn’t suggest that we should be kind to one another. He commanded that we love others as He loved us. We could meditate on that one command alone for the rest of our lives and only hope to live it to the fullest. Approaching one another in love might be the key to better communication and a greater understanding of what is truly important in how and with who we decide to build associations.
Interestingly, like George Baily, it may take most of us a lifetime to realize that building a relationship starts with knowing what is most important in our lives. In his hour of need, an angel showed George that his lifetime of “loving others” opened the floodgate of receiving that love back beyond measure. Isn’t that what we all want?
The first and most essential building block is knowing who we are in light of how our Creator sees us. That alone can open us to understanding there is great purpose in communicating and relating to others with love. Lack of that understanding leaves us sailing the high seas of relationships without a compass, not to mention delaying the hope of joy in the journey.
Should you find yourself in the self-help aisle of the bookstore for communication and relationship counseling, might I suggest the Bible as your starting point? Jesus Christ is a great Life Coach; you don’t have to stand in the check-out line to benefit from His wisdom!
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