So, now that I have shared the foundation that guides all I do and say, I suppose it would be a good idea to start getting real with it. It is one thing to say what you believe; it is another to live it. Since we are connected through the written word, my hope is you will engage with me to discover what is on your mind, not just mine. My goal is to help you connect with options you may have never considered, and by necessity, it is bound to get personal for both of us.
For instance, how many of us take time to consider the good in life? I don’t know about you, but I have been around more judgmental people than I would like. At any potential encounter, I would turn in the opposite direction to avoid talking to them. I felt like they were invading my space and killing my desire to see the good in the day. No matter how you try to encourage them, they can never accept anything other than their forecast of doom. It was as if they did not want any encouragement; just wanted to grumble.
I didn’t realize how misguided my judgment of them had been. Where did this epiphany come from? I could react in the same judgmental way but just over certain subjects. Because my negativity did not cover as wide a range as theirs, I interpreted internally that I was different from them; I was better somehow! Sound familiar?
I cannot tell you how many times I read this scripture. “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” – Matthew 7:15 ESV
Let’s just understand that in layman’s terms:
What you judge in another will be magnified in you. It won’t just be two times as bad; you will have the opportunity to screw things up far worse than you think to the tenth power!
For most of my early life, I had been trodden on and over so many times I began to think I was worthless; something my mother chose to remind me of quite often. When you grow up being told what to think and when to speak, you become the person whose voice is rarely, if ever, heard. That may have been okay in my youth but is not an excellent quality if you want to succeed in the adult workforce.
I remember a year I worked at a hospital and the Administrator, my mentor, allowed me to move from administration to heading up the Marketing Department. I was so grateful for the support, especially since I had no degree to back up my insistence I could do the job. Shortly after starting the job, I found myself on the opposite side of a colleague, Carol, on a critical change to hospital policy. I liked her except for the fact she was constantly criticizing everyone on the team. This negativity just made it impossible to want to see her side, much less work with her. For some reason, I decided this was the time to assert myself and I steamrolled right over her flaunting a sense of smug satisfaction, but with the most disingenuous smile. I won the day, but I also found out what it was truly like to humiliate a colleague and burn a bridge!
Years later I found myself in a comparable situation. Only this time, I was the one steamrolled. Not because I was being negative, but because I was simply on the opposite side of the situation and my colleague needed the win to further their career. The betrayal was acute and in tearful prayer over it a few nights later, the vision of what I had done to Carol came rushing back to me. I was truly ashamed when I realized how all the years before this happened to me, I had justified my behavior with a self-satisfying righteousness. Let me say this, I know Carol felt betrayed and even though I became someone she never trusted me again, she never took retribution. In defeat, she was more gracious than I had been in victory. I always wished I could find her again just to ask for her forgiveness. I can only count on God seeing the change in my heart with the hope of seeing her again one day to say it to her myself.
I realized in my eagerness to triumph over someone, I let my judgment of Carol’s negative attitude justify my actions. Did the world end? No, but I had set the stage to reap an abundance of shame, a direct consequence of my hollow victory. Not only that, I also realized the years of justifying that behavior was like the forging of the chains weighing down Jacob Marley, in the classic story of Charles Dickens, The Christmas Carol. Ebenezer Scrooge and I were both blessed to cast off those chains; his to the spirits that visited him, mine to my Father, in Heaven.
Once you utterly understand we can discern a wrong action without judging it, you have opened the possibilities to sincerely connect with people no matter their attitude. Being humble in a genuine way may help them see that their attempt at supremacy over you falls short exposing their shortcomings. I suppose that is a wordy way of saying, “Kill them with kindness.” I learned more when I finally realized God wasn’t judging me. He NEVER was. The incarnation, crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension of Christ dealt with judgment once and for all. Change in my life came through listening to that still, quiet voice of unconditional love and acceptance.
I am still learning how to employ this truth with people I meet every day. I know it means looking outward from myself instead of making it all about me. We are all responsible for changing ourselves and as the metamorphosis takes place it alters our approach to others. In turn, others begin to respond to you differently, more often in a good way than not.
I believe in this important lesson Father has shared with me. He is a longsuffering, benevolent Father who showers us with an abundance of kindness and patience as He reveals His work within us. The Holy Spirit completes this work in each one of us if we will just listen without judgment.
Leading me to the question…who are you listening to?
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